I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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