i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
