Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
