I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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