I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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