she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
