I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
