you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
