The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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