I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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