I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
