you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
