can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
