I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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