i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
