And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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