Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
