shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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