At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
