I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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