MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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