i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
