Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
