I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
