I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
