I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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