Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
