Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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