Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
