Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
