Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
