when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
