my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
