I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
