I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
