At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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