**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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