I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just blew my weed a kiss
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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