oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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