You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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