She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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