She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
