Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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