I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish my penis had a tongue
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This baby is an asshole
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
