She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
