Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
