yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
