She announced her abortion via fbk
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
