it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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