What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
