Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
