we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
