Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
