he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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