It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
