I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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