My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
