Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
