What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
