Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
