My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
