I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
