hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
